Of the many new starts

Two thousand and twelve.

A lot of first starts, too many new experiences and new places I went through this year.

Feels like it was so long ago, but my convocation was actually in March this year! Well well..

As each and every day goes by, I learnt bit by bit about life, and most importantly about myself. I know that I can thrive under pressure, but I need to have a cooling off period once in a while.

I love having time off once in a while to go travelling, unfortunately, I don't get the luxury of doing a lot of them this year because of moving from one job to another job and hence, the entitlement to holidays.

I spent a lot of time with the boyfie this year. Well just because I love spending time with him coz he makes me happy all the time =) Wishing for another smooth sailing year with him...

And currently I am serving the bond for my sponsor. As of date, just another 9 years and 10 months to go LOL!

I was surrounded with lots of love this year, Alhamdulillah =)

Two thousand and thirteen.

Lots of things to do! But first things first top of my list;

1. Work extra hard and diligent!  
2. Thailand trip by Train
3. Island trip to Perhentian
4. Maybe one more Cambodia or Hanoi trip?
5. To participate in minimum 3 running events
6. To keep fit and maintain the weight (can't believe I'm talking about this but we have to be realistic here guys.....)

Let's go 2013! XD 

I don't know boy, I think I maybe, falling for you.

When I got off the old relationship and took a year-long break to sort out my mind. I simply decided that I will seek happiness from my life. Whatever I do, with whomever would I be, I want to be happy.

B. 

I guess God granted my wish. Alhamdulillah.

I found you =)

Penat la grow up!

Seriously, memang penat.

Dulu kau komplen bagai bila tengah belajar kan. "Oih cepat lah habis belajar, aku tak sabar nak kerja, nak pegang duit sendiri, nak itu nak ini blablabla"

Sekarang kau kerja, lagi bertambah responsibility dan benda yang kau kena fikir.

Masuk je gaji, bukan boleh terus belanja semua beli apa yang kau suka macam lah takde hari esok. Instead;
mula la buat budgeting, tolak duit bil itu bil ini, duit simpanan ASB MSG WTH apa apa lah.

Jumpa sedara mara, kawan-kawan parents, tanya "Dah kerja ke? Kat mana? Bila nak kahwin? Tak lama lagi la ni ye?" sambil sengih-sengih kerang busuk.

Dulu selalu attend birthday party kawan-kawan. Sekarang attend kenduri kahwin kawan-kawan.

Dulu main dengan anak patung kawan-kawan. Sekarang main-main dengan anak kawan-kawan.

Nampak tak permainan dia kat situ?

Pagi-pagi rush pergi kerja. Stuck dalam traffic, dah belajar maki hamun driver inconsiderate yang lain. Faker betul. Sampai office, bancuh kopi terus menghadap pc start buat kerja.

Nak ambil cuti pun berkira. Bilanya kau nak realisasikan impian kau nak travelling nye?

Umur pun makin meningkat. Biological clock pun mula lah bersuara.

Tengok baby orang, rasa nak baby sendiri. Tapi bergaduh berkonflik dalam diri sebab taknak kahwin lagi. Tapi kalau tak kahwin, macamana nak ada baby sendiri? Takkan la out of wedlock? Nauzubillah, mintak dijauhkan.

Tiba-tiba datang pula idea nak memajukan diri; yelah the quest for knowledge will never end until we die. Mulalah hasrat nak sambung belajar datang bertubi-tubi.

Dalam diri sendiri masih rasa muda remaja. Masih suka lompat sana sini, bergembira, gelak ketawa, throw head back and laugh and not a single fuck was given on that day.

Takut nak hadapi kenyataan bahawasanya masa muda remaja with not a care in the world akan beransur-ansur ditinggalkan.

Aku tau sebenarnya kita tak ada option lain selain daripada be brave, heads up and face whatever is coming into the life positively and accept it as a point to memajukan diri.

I sound childish when I say all of these things but who the hell cares? I just want to let this one out.


Life goes on. With or without you. So you choose whether to enjoy the ride or sulk in the corner and mope.

Penatnya grow up!

Salam Ramadhan

Wandering around social networking sites, swallowing everything you've been thinking of, silently wondering whether you're good enough to express it all out - that's me the awkward penguin in social networking sites. I end up babbling about random things in life - "Sejuknya aircond kat ofis.", "Berdebarnya nak presentation!" talking about the antics of my kitty - BUT I try really really really hard to avoid talking about other people. Be it their attitude or anything they do.

Some people, just couldn't, just really really couldn't stop from talking about others. Making snide remarks, or even commenting on whatever others do.

Which got me wondering; are we as good as we think we are? Or we only think we are good but others don't? Trying to look at ourselves from the outsider's perspectives. When I say outsiders what I meant is people who aren't really bosom buddies with us.

Which got me thinking later on; What if I am not that good of a person as I think I am, or as what my friends think I am? Am I really that bad of a person?

Which got me to expand my thoughts; So what do I do next? Conform to others' standards? Change, and try hard to appear as a good person? Or as a goody-goody person? Will I be liked as much by others if I change?

Of which I feel embarrassed by myself, for even having to think that way. That way of which succumbing to all other haters and what people may think of me if I behave in a certain way. To even dare to think of changing myself just to stop people from talking about me.

And for that I say; to hell with all of that. You cannot change just to please everyone. There will always be haters. People with full of hasad dengki. People with full of dissatisfaction in whatever it is you are doing. Why change? Change for Allah. Not just to prove to others you are better or whatnot. Change for Allah.

Change for Allah. Change for Allah. Change for Allah. Change for Allah.
and God Willing everything will be in place :)

Salam Ramadhan, have a blessed one, and may this be a productive journey for everyone ♥

p/s random thoughts on a lazy Sunday. Nothing to do with yours truly.

Manusia.

Aku rasa sifat sentiasa tak berpuas hati tu ada dalam diri manusia. Semua tak puas hati. Lagi-lagi kalau berkait dengan manusia lain. Entah kenapa dengan manusia lain yang tak pernah kacau hidup dia pun rasa nak mendengki dan tak berpuas hati. Entah kenapa. Kenapa entah?

Teori aku satu je. Rasa insecure dan tak ada self confidence. Kalau tak ada self confidence je, tak apa. Boleh sorang-sorang tenung diri sendiri depan cermin dan mengeluh hari-hari. Kalau insecure gabung dengan no self confidence, memang parah jadinya. You know why? Pasal kita akan sentiasa cuba bandingkan diri sendiri dengan orang lain dan mula rasa macam tak puas hati semacam. Padahal orang tu tak pernahhhhhh pun cari pasal dengan kita. Well, these things happen. Especially in girls/women/ladies/females world.

Tell me about it. 

Aku rasa kesian sebenarnya dekat orang-orang macam ni. Kesian, patetik. Buang masa, buang tenaga. Lainla kalau orang yang didengki tu ada buat salah terang-terangan kat kita ni. Orang tu tak kacau hidup kita, kita tak perlu la buat cerita sengaja-sengaja tak puas hati entah apa2 kat dia. Pathetic sangat nampaknya kita ni.

Why obsess nak bercerita pasal orang tu sedangkan dia sikit pun tak tau yang kita dengki sangat-sangat kat dia. Come on, jangan stereotype people please.

Paling penting, jangan kuat mengata orang. Lambat laun the word will come around and you'll have to swallow what you chew.

Remember, karma is a bitch. Only if you are.

p/s : i need to stop using the tag "lama sungguh tak update" on my posts. sebab memang lama sungguh tak update so no need mentioning. kan? :p

What I Really Hope For.

Happiness.

To always be happy.

Perempuan ini.

Perempuan ini memang saiko orangnya.
Sikit-sikit nak emo, sikit-sikit nak terasa.
Kadang-kadang macam roller coaster emosi dia.
Kejap tadi macam happy je, manja je,
Tiba-tiba merapu dah macam nenek kebayan minta penampar.

Perempuan ini banyak kelemahannya.
Dia tau dia tak sempurna,
Dia tau dia banyak kena perbaiki dirinya.
Dia tau semua tu. Tapi dia degil juga.
Ego tinggi melangit. Entah kenapa lah.

Tapi kan,

Perempuan ini lah juga yang kalau sayang, memang akan sayang sepenuh hatinya.
Kalau dah sayang, sedaya upaya dia cuba setia.

She feels bad when she gets all worked up on you for a simple thing.
Because you are the sweetest, the greatest, the most patient person she ever knew that love her.
That accepts her in every way she is.
Tapi dia pun tak tahu kenapa buat perangai tiba-tiba.
Mengada.
I love you, by the way.

#Apesal entah malam-malam ni merapu.

Home and pampered.

10 years living out of home. 10 years I got my own space. And now after graduation I went back to my home and currently resides there. Selalunya kids lepas dah graduate they will have to move out to get their own place and stuff. Tapi aku? stuck inside the parents home sebab aku kerja kat KL. Kerja KL means that I cannot get my own place coz my mum won't let me. She said, "Cukup la 10 tahun duduk di luar." My dad doesn't share her views though.

As for me? I would love to get my own place. Sebab if I am being honest here, memang lah seronok duduk di rumah, sewa tak payah bayar. Cuma hulur duit sikit-sikit je. But my only space that I got is my own room. Tu pun kadang-kadang susah nak dapat privacy. Right now, I feel a bit suffocated staying at home. Let me lay out the reasons;

1) Aku suka keluar. Suka pergi berjalan sana sini. But then mum will complain, asyik keluar je, tak lekat kat rumah. Sorry la ma, I am not like every other "anak dara" that will stay at home. I will get friggingly freakingly super ultimately bored to the point that I feel frustrated kalau duduk melangut je kat rumah.

2) When I'm at home, I need my own space. I close the door when I need space. I open it when I don't anymore. Tapi people at home tak faham. They think they can barge in anytime. Kadang-kadang kita letih nak bercakap dengan orang, so kita nak duduk dalam bilik sorang-sorang kejap. Tapi tak dapat. Argh so frustrating when that happens!

3) Bila kita duduk sendiri, kita tau lah macamana nak urus rumah. Bila nak basuh, lipat, sidai, sapu, mop etc etc. I'll make sure to get it done even by myself. Tapi bila duduk kat rumah, lain rentaknya. I have to be one step earlier than the bosses to do all those stuff without being told to macam budak kecik. I guess I am still their little girl.

I am not complaining about my parents. No, they are the super awesome parents one could get. I thank Allah for I was born as their child. BUT sometimes I need space. That is all I need. And plus, staying at home doesn't help me to alleviate my laziness. I become more pampered and thus kurang sikit la inisiatif nak berdikarinya. Macam mana nak berlatih jadi isteri orang u tell me?

Tapi kalau duduk luar, lain la pulak masalahnye. Belanja semua sendiri urus; sewa rumah, makan minum etc etc you have to do it your ownself. But the perk is I got my own space. I can do whatever I want with boundaries and limits in mind lah.

Aaaa. How la?

Memang macam ni la perangai yang kita suka.

Iaitu, update blog seribu tahun sekali. Kan Aleen kan?

Anyway, hai semua! *Baling telur baling kasut sebab dah lama gila tak update blog haha*

Life updates;

1) Dah berhenti dari menjadi TM CSR untuk Streamyx. Cukup lah experience for one month. Sangat berharga dan pengalaman tu susah nak dapat dari tempat lain. Cuma rasa tak fit je nak kerja shift. Heee.

2) Insyaallah, will begin to start work at a new place and new environment; and I hope for the best. Got recommended, but not sure when will get the placement. So daripada melangut baik aku pergi kerja lain dulu hehehe

3) Officially graduated!! Alhamdulillah =D

4) Going to be maid of honour for one of my closest cousins this May. Diorang intend untuk marketkan aku. Hahah ingat aku tak laku eh? Fine fine whatever you say~ Tak pernah ada experience jadi pengapit ni kang aku yang melebih kipas diri sendiri kang hahahaha

5) So far, I had the most awesome 5 months =D and counting it to be more awesome day by day!

See you later, alligator!

Still looking up.

Missing you.