Of the many new starts

Two thousand and twelve.

A lot of first starts, too many new experiences and new places I went through this year.

Feels like it was so long ago, but my convocation was actually in March this year! Well well..

As each and every day goes by, I learnt bit by bit about life, and most importantly about myself. I know that I can thrive under pressure, but I need to have a cooling off period once in a while.

I love having time off once in a while to go travelling, unfortunately, I don't get the luxury of doing a lot of them this year because of moving from one job to another job and hence, the entitlement to holidays.

I spent a lot of time with the boyfie this year. Well just because I love spending time with him coz he makes me happy all the time =) Wishing for another smooth sailing year with him...

And currently I am serving the bond for my sponsor. As of date, just another 9 years and 10 months to go LOL!

I was surrounded with lots of love this year, Alhamdulillah =)

Two thousand and thirteen.

Lots of things to do! But first things first top of my list;

1. Work extra hard and diligent!  
2. Thailand trip by Train
3. Island trip to Perhentian
4. Maybe one more Cambodia or Hanoi trip?
5. To participate in minimum 3 running events
6. To keep fit and maintain the weight (can't believe I'm talking about this but we have to be realistic here guys.....)

Let's go 2013! XD 

I don't know boy, I think I maybe, falling for you.

When I got off the old relationship and took a year-long break to sort out my mind. I simply decided that I will seek happiness from my life. Whatever I do, with whomever would I be, I want to be happy.

B. 

I guess God granted my wish. Alhamdulillah.

I found you =)

Penat la grow up!

Seriously, memang penat.

Dulu kau komplen bagai bila tengah belajar kan. "Oih cepat lah habis belajar, aku tak sabar nak kerja, nak pegang duit sendiri, nak itu nak ini blablabla"

Sekarang kau kerja, lagi bertambah responsibility dan benda yang kau kena fikir.

Masuk je gaji, bukan boleh terus belanja semua beli apa yang kau suka macam lah takde hari esok. Instead;
mula la buat budgeting, tolak duit bil itu bil ini, duit simpanan ASB MSG WTH apa apa lah.

Jumpa sedara mara, kawan-kawan parents, tanya "Dah kerja ke? Kat mana? Bila nak kahwin? Tak lama lagi la ni ye?" sambil sengih-sengih kerang busuk.

Dulu selalu attend birthday party kawan-kawan. Sekarang attend kenduri kahwin kawan-kawan.

Dulu main dengan anak patung kawan-kawan. Sekarang main-main dengan anak kawan-kawan.

Nampak tak permainan dia kat situ?

Pagi-pagi rush pergi kerja. Stuck dalam traffic, dah belajar maki hamun driver inconsiderate yang lain. Faker betul. Sampai office, bancuh kopi terus menghadap pc start buat kerja.

Nak ambil cuti pun berkira. Bilanya kau nak realisasikan impian kau nak travelling nye?

Umur pun makin meningkat. Biological clock pun mula lah bersuara.

Tengok baby orang, rasa nak baby sendiri. Tapi bergaduh berkonflik dalam diri sebab taknak kahwin lagi. Tapi kalau tak kahwin, macamana nak ada baby sendiri? Takkan la out of wedlock? Nauzubillah, mintak dijauhkan.

Tiba-tiba datang pula idea nak memajukan diri; yelah the quest for knowledge will never end until we die. Mulalah hasrat nak sambung belajar datang bertubi-tubi.

Dalam diri sendiri masih rasa muda remaja. Masih suka lompat sana sini, bergembira, gelak ketawa, throw head back and laugh and not a single fuck was given on that day.

Takut nak hadapi kenyataan bahawasanya masa muda remaja with not a care in the world akan beransur-ansur ditinggalkan.

Aku tau sebenarnya kita tak ada option lain selain daripada be brave, heads up and face whatever is coming into the life positively and accept it as a point to memajukan diri.

I sound childish when I say all of these things but who the hell cares? I just want to let this one out.


Life goes on. With or without you. So you choose whether to enjoy the ride or sulk in the corner and mope.

Penatnya grow up!

Salam Ramadhan

Wandering around social networking sites, swallowing everything you've been thinking of, silently wondering whether you're good enough to express it all out - that's me the awkward penguin in social networking sites. I end up babbling about random things in life - "Sejuknya aircond kat ofis.", "Berdebarnya nak presentation!" talking about the antics of my kitty - BUT I try really really really hard to avoid talking about other people. Be it their attitude or anything they do.

Some people, just couldn't, just really really couldn't stop from talking about others. Making snide remarks, or even commenting on whatever others do.

Which got me wondering; are we as good as we think we are? Or we only think we are good but others don't? Trying to look at ourselves from the outsider's perspectives. When I say outsiders what I meant is people who aren't really bosom buddies with us.

Which got me thinking later on; What if I am not that good of a person as I think I am, or as what my friends think I am? Am I really that bad of a person?

Which got me to expand my thoughts; So what do I do next? Conform to others' standards? Change, and try hard to appear as a good person? Or as a goody-goody person? Will I be liked as much by others if I change?

Of which I feel embarrassed by myself, for even having to think that way. That way of which succumbing to all other haters and what people may think of me if I behave in a certain way. To even dare to think of changing myself just to stop people from talking about me.

And for that I say; to hell with all of that. You cannot change just to please everyone. There will always be haters. People with full of hasad dengki. People with full of dissatisfaction in whatever it is you are doing. Why change? Change for Allah. Not just to prove to others you are better or whatnot. Change for Allah.

Change for Allah. Change for Allah. Change for Allah. Change for Allah.
and God Willing everything will be in place :)

Salam Ramadhan, have a blessed one, and may this be a productive journey for everyone ♥

p/s random thoughts on a lazy Sunday. Nothing to do with yours truly.

Manusia.

Aku rasa sifat sentiasa tak berpuas hati tu ada dalam diri manusia. Semua tak puas hati. Lagi-lagi kalau berkait dengan manusia lain. Entah kenapa dengan manusia lain yang tak pernah kacau hidup dia pun rasa nak mendengki dan tak berpuas hati. Entah kenapa. Kenapa entah?

Teori aku satu je. Rasa insecure dan tak ada self confidence. Kalau tak ada self confidence je, tak apa. Boleh sorang-sorang tenung diri sendiri depan cermin dan mengeluh hari-hari. Kalau insecure gabung dengan no self confidence, memang parah jadinya. You know why? Pasal kita akan sentiasa cuba bandingkan diri sendiri dengan orang lain dan mula rasa macam tak puas hati semacam. Padahal orang tu tak pernahhhhhh pun cari pasal dengan kita. Well, these things happen. Especially in girls/women/ladies/females world.

Tell me about it. 

Aku rasa kesian sebenarnya dekat orang-orang macam ni. Kesian, patetik. Buang masa, buang tenaga. Lainla kalau orang yang didengki tu ada buat salah terang-terangan kat kita ni. Orang tu tak kacau hidup kita, kita tak perlu la buat cerita sengaja-sengaja tak puas hati entah apa2 kat dia. Pathetic sangat nampaknya kita ni.

Why obsess nak bercerita pasal orang tu sedangkan dia sikit pun tak tau yang kita dengki sangat-sangat kat dia. Come on, jangan stereotype people please.

Paling penting, jangan kuat mengata orang. Lambat laun the word will come around and you'll have to swallow what you chew.

Remember, karma is a bitch. Only if you are.

p/s : i need to stop using the tag "lama sungguh tak update" on my posts. sebab memang lama sungguh tak update so no need mentioning. kan? :p

What I Really Hope For.

Happiness.

To always be happy.

Perempuan ini.

Perempuan ini memang saiko orangnya.
Sikit-sikit nak emo, sikit-sikit nak terasa.
Kadang-kadang macam roller coaster emosi dia.
Kejap tadi macam happy je, manja je,
Tiba-tiba merapu dah macam nenek kebayan minta penampar.

Perempuan ini banyak kelemahannya.
Dia tau dia tak sempurna,
Dia tau dia banyak kena perbaiki dirinya.
Dia tau semua tu. Tapi dia degil juga.
Ego tinggi melangit. Entah kenapa lah.

Tapi kan,

Perempuan ini lah juga yang kalau sayang, memang akan sayang sepenuh hatinya.
Kalau dah sayang, sedaya upaya dia cuba setia.

She feels bad when she gets all worked up on you for a simple thing.
Because you are the sweetest, the greatest, the most patient person she ever knew that love her.
That accepts her in every way she is.
Tapi dia pun tak tahu kenapa buat perangai tiba-tiba.
Mengada.
I love you, by the way.

#Apesal entah malam-malam ni merapu.

Home and pampered.

10 years living out of home. 10 years I got my own space. And now after graduation I went back to my home and currently resides there. Selalunya kids lepas dah graduate they will have to move out to get their own place and stuff. Tapi aku? stuck inside the parents home sebab aku kerja kat KL. Kerja KL means that I cannot get my own place coz my mum won't let me. She said, "Cukup la 10 tahun duduk di luar." My dad doesn't share her views though.

As for me? I would love to get my own place. Sebab if I am being honest here, memang lah seronok duduk di rumah, sewa tak payah bayar. Cuma hulur duit sikit-sikit je. But my only space that I got is my own room. Tu pun kadang-kadang susah nak dapat privacy. Right now, I feel a bit suffocated staying at home. Let me lay out the reasons;

1) Aku suka keluar. Suka pergi berjalan sana sini. But then mum will complain, asyik keluar je, tak lekat kat rumah. Sorry la ma, I am not like every other "anak dara" that will stay at home. I will get friggingly freakingly super ultimately bored to the point that I feel frustrated kalau duduk melangut je kat rumah.

2) When I'm at home, I need my own space. I close the door when I need space. I open it when I don't anymore. Tapi people at home tak faham. They think they can barge in anytime. Kadang-kadang kita letih nak bercakap dengan orang, so kita nak duduk dalam bilik sorang-sorang kejap. Tapi tak dapat. Argh so frustrating when that happens!

3) Bila kita duduk sendiri, kita tau lah macamana nak urus rumah. Bila nak basuh, lipat, sidai, sapu, mop etc etc. I'll make sure to get it done even by myself. Tapi bila duduk kat rumah, lain rentaknya. I have to be one step earlier than the bosses to do all those stuff without being told to macam budak kecik. I guess I am still their little girl.

I am not complaining about my parents. No, they are the super awesome parents one could get. I thank Allah for I was born as their child. BUT sometimes I need space. That is all I need. And plus, staying at home doesn't help me to alleviate my laziness. I become more pampered and thus kurang sikit la inisiatif nak berdikarinya. Macam mana nak berlatih jadi isteri orang u tell me?

Tapi kalau duduk luar, lain la pulak masalahnye. Belanja semua sendiri urus; sewa rumah, makan minum etc etc you have to do it your ownself. But the perk is I got my own space. I can do whatever I want with boundaries and limits in mind lah.

Aaaa. How la?

Memang macam ni la perangai yang kita suka.

Iaitu, update blog seribu tahun sekali. Kan Aleen kan?

Anyway, hai semua! *Baling telur baling kasut sebab dah lama gila tak update blog haha*

Life updates;

1) Dah berhenti dari menjadi TM CSR untuk Streamyx. Cukup lah experience for one month. Sangat berharga dan pengalaman tu susah nak dapat dari tempat lain. Cuma rasa tak fit je nak kerja shift. Heee.

2) Insyaallah, will begin to start work at a new place and new environment; and I hope for the best. Got recommended, but not sure when will get the placement. So daripada melangut baik aku pergi kerja lain dulu hehehe

3) Officially graduated!! Alhamdulillah =D

4) Going to be maid of honour for one of my closest cousins this May. Diorang intend untuk marketkan aku. Hahah ingat aku tak laku eh? Fine fine whatever you say~ Tak pernah ada experience jadi pengapit ni kang aku yang melebih kipas diri sendiri kang hahahaha

5) So far, I had the most awesome 5 months =D and counting it to be more awesome day by day!

See you later, alligator!

Still looking up.

Missing you. 

Random stuff 101

I cannot control myself, so here goes a bunch of random stuff that's going on in my mind~

1) The desk is too full with my stuff, but I'm a hoarder I think. Sayang nak buang barang-barang lama.

2) I really need to get that bookshelf bought last week mounted up on the wall soon! Pemalas nak drill dinding uhuk uhuk

3) I really want to take care of a baby. Baby as in little newborn babies. When they've all grown up and got their walking legs, I'll hand them back to their mums. Boleh tak macam tu?

4) Hmm, everybody's getting married. When is my turn? I've planned my dress mentally by the way bahahahaha

5) I really really want to go for an Eurotour. Greece, Venice and Paris. I will work hard to make this one dream come true, just wait =)

6) I wish I can teleport to you, every single time I thought of you :D

7) Elder generations should not think too negatively on younger generations. After all, they are the ones who shaped us and brought us up, correct?

8) Refer number 6.

9) Can't wait to have a permanent job! However, not everything that we want is good for us, no? [2:216]

10) Refer number 8 =)

Toodles~

One fine Saturday mornin'

Good day peeps! Wah gitew berpeeps peeps pulak aku ni kann haha

Cewah dah gaya macam southern Americans pulak aku bermornin' mornin' kannn =p Anyways new update! I am currently working as a CSR..Where? I won't tell you hehehe =D Setakat ni, ini la rezeki yang ade. While waiting for other better offers. 

Okay enough with talking crap. All these motivational stuff are seriously pulling my hair out. Enough with my philosophy and whatnots. Time to be vain today hee hee =)

Yeah, keep calm and carry on. Lek lek luuu~ 

Apa motif tunjuk calendar Subway aku pun tak faham -.-" Oh this means my supply of cheap Subway every month will always be there yahoooo! 

I am Gen Y and proud of it ;D Motif nak ulang balik ape yang dah tertulis aleen?HAHA

So ignore je lah muka tak semenggah tu yang penuh dengan jerawat. Stress la katakan hehe.

Have a happy weekend you all. I am enjoying mine immensely ;)

Aihh.

Semua dok wedding syndrome, pre-wedding syndrome ni. Payah la macam ni.
Sana sini kawan-kawan sebaya nak mendirikan masjid. Alhamdulillah.
Anak kawan-kawan parents pun sama.
Haaa, mula lah terangkat-angkat kening bagi hint dekat aku.

Tapi taknak aku kahwin lagi.
Tapi dok bagi hint.

Acane tu?

Notakaki: Aihhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

What Will You Remember Most About 2011?

(Caution: This is gonna be a super long post with lots of pictures.)

Harini aku terjumpa soalan ni dari  Plinky . Ah well, dah nak masuk hari-hari terakhir tahun 2011 dah. What will I remember the most about 2011?

Jan - Feb

Internship. Valuable experience. Apart from all the technical stuff yang aku belajar.

Yelah. Belajar makan lunch dengan orang-orang dewasa dah berkeluarga. Belajar paksa diri bangun awal pagi-pagi pergi kerja. Belajar jadi pemarah bila bawak kereta pergi dan balik kerja. Belajar bawak kereta dengan gaya reckless walaupun kereta hanyalah Sang Kancil tapi si driver perasan bawak SLK kan =p 

That said, oh shoot. Aku terlupa nak pulangkan buku sorang ni. Dem dah setahun dah aku pinjam. Sorry ! =D

March

Futsal Alumni SMSAH. I went, I had fun, I had a blast with old friends. Walaupun ending ada sedikit kezutan but it was a weekend well spent =D 

p/s : I learnt to face the harsh reality and overcome my fear on this particular day.

April

Pure, random fun with housemates. Love, love, love housemates :D 

Random spontaneous trip to Genting, and Danau Kota with them.

May

Program Back to School Jenan by Explode. That was an awesome programme held by our batch. Lanyard cantik doh. Haha. Tu je ke kau ingat Aleen? 

I miss these girls ;)

Oh oh and my team Blitzers won 3rd place in Inter-campus Women Futsal! Awesome moment =)

July

Awesome backpacking trip to Cambodia; Siem Reap and Phnom Penh, THIS . What a great start to my final semester final year!

September

Started my part time work at KUMON. Banyak benda aku belajar,antaranya aku baru tau yang aku ni boleh handle budak-budak. Selama ni aku ingat aku yang paling tak reti handle budak-budak HAHAHA.

And oh, had one of the most happening Raya ever. 

October

Attended Sherry one of my bestie's graduation ceremony in UTP. Love the fact that I could share her special moment and her special day =)

November

Well, November, November =D November is the highlight of the year. *geram cari gambar tak jumpa, hehehe*

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

Dah muntah tengok gambar-gambar yang super banyak dengan caption yang mula-mula macam nak cerita panjang tapi lama-lama jadi sikit je? Hahahahaha Alhamdulillah I had such a wonderful year I couldn't say anything more to express my happiness. Dah 2 3 post describe pasal macamana berpuas hatinya aku dengan tahun 2011.

So 2012, bring it on! Let 2012 be another wonderful year, for all of us insyaAllah =D Semoga kurnia dan rahmat Allah limpahkan untuk kita semua dan semoga rezeki kita Allah murahkan sepanjang tahun 2012 ini. 

Semalam, Hari Ini, Esok.

Semalam.

Aku baru jejak sekolah menengah. Aku baru belajar cara hidup berdikari. Hidup dengan kawan-kawan 24/7, duduk berjauhan dari parents. Aku baru nak bina cita-cita. Cita-cita aku nak jadi doktor atau pakar forensik macam dalam CSI atau Grey's Anatomy. Aku ambil PMR, aku ambil SPM.


Semalam lagi.

Aku rasa indahnya hidup sebagai kanak-kanak. Aku rasa pahitnya hidup sebagai remaja yang memberontak. Aku rasa manisnya hidup dengan keluarga dan kawan-kawan disekeliling. Aku rasa amazed dengan perkembangan diri sendiri. Matlamat utama masa itu hanyalah nak dapat straight As, sebab mama abah cakap dapat straight As nanti boleh pilih nak buat apa yang kita nak. Aku pilih nak jadi doktor, dan rangka pelan masa hidup aku dari mula habis SPM sampai tamat bond dengan hospital kerajaan.

Itu semalam.


Hari ini.

Aku tak jadi doktor pun. Jalan yang aku ambik jauh berbeza dengan pelan asal. Tapi semua pun ada hikmahnya. Aku gembira dengan keputusan yang aku ambik.

Tapi hari ini, aku tengah terpinga-pinga. Tak tahu mana hala tuju. Baru aku sedar kecik besarnya dunia. Tinggi rendahnya langit. Aku baru tahu hakikat kehidupan. Itu pun baru sikit. Sikitttttttt je.

Hari ni aku rasa macam aku baru lahir. Baru, fresh, dan tak tahu apa-apa. Aku rasa semua benda yang aku dah buat, dah capai, semua tu macam tak penting je sekarang. Betapa insignificantnya.

Ini baru dunia, belum masa akhirat lagi. Allah :')

Esok.

One big uncertainty. Masuk je lah dalam awan ketidakpastian itu.

Notakaki: *Melepaskan satu keluhan yang panjang*

Disember: Bulan Mengenang dan Meresolusi

Jadi. Disember datang lagi. Dan kini ia semakin menghilang. Bak kata Travie McCoy, "Now December's almost gone." Aku suka bulan Disember ni. Pada aku ia sangat sempurna untuk dijadikan tapak memulakan kenangan nostalgia. Mengingat kembali kedudukan aku setahun lepas, Disember lepas, dan mengukur sendiri sejauh mana peningkatan diri; pada aku sedikit peningkatan pun dah cukup bermakna. An optimistic's view: A half-full glass is better than an empty one =)

Tahun 2011. Tahun yang penuh dengan kegembiraan. Tahun revenge. Tahun kebebasan sepenuhnya untuk aku. 

Sebab apa aku cakap revenge? Sebab tahun 2010 bukan tahun aku. Terlalu banyak kekecewaan dalam tahun 2010. Jadi aku buat resolusi dan tanamkan bulat-bulat dalam diri aku yang tahun 2011 akan bawa berita gembira. Kiranya macam revenge balik la dekat tahun 2010 tu. Haha. 

Alhamdulillah, segala yang aku rancangkan hampir semua aku berjaya capai/buat. Rancangan nak tamat belajar tahun ni jugak, berjaya. Rancangan nak go backpacking dengan kawan-kawan, berjaya. Paling penting, rancangan nak bergembira tahun ini, sangat sangat berjaya. I fall in love and I didn't even plan for it to happen this year either, but I'm happy with it =)

Cuma ada satu je masalah: Aku belum berjaya minum air soya. Pfftttt

Tahun 2012; Mohon Allah permudahkan segala urusan dan tunjukkan yang terbaik untuk aku. No special plans, tahun 2012 aku ikut sahaja ke mana langkah yang aku rasa terbaik untukku. InsyaAllah.

Selamat tahun baru 2012, tolonglah kurangkan menjadi judgemental bila orang lain ucapkan selamat tahun baru kepada anda. Peace!

At this Ungodly hour.

Dreams. 

They are the first steps to getting to your ambition. What matters is what steps you take after you dream. Work to pursue them, you'll get there God willing. Dream, and leave it hanging like just a dream, it will be only a dream. 

Get going. Get moving.

Leave some morphine at the door.

Source : tumblr.com - my source of calmness when trying to keep calm =)

Being Optimistic is Not Putting False Hopes.

Right now aku tengah menunggu panggilan telefon yang pada aku penting. Penting sebab aku agak berharap untuk berjaya disitu. Dia kata by minggu ni akan dapat jawapan. Tapi setelah hari berganti hari, sampai lah ke hari Jumaat ni, aku rasa harapan tu sedikit-sedikit makin luruh lah. Tak kisah lah, apa pun yang jadi, I'll take it as a one whole new experience =)

Macam masa aku mengajar kat KUMON, aku perasan ramai students aku yang tak yakin dengan diri sendiri. Masa aku tanda worksheet diorang, kalau ada salah satu, then diorang akan straight away untuk soalan-soalan lepas tu mesti cakap, "Mesti salah..salah punya ni..salah..salah.." Why so pessimist when you are at such a young age?

Pada aku, menjadi optimistik itu tak pernah meletakkan harapan yang palsu. Even if your hope is destroyed at the end of the day, you still have had something to hold on to in the beginning. At least you've got something, rather than nothing. Itulah antara kelebihan seorang Muslim, yang mana kita percaya kepada Qada' dan Qadar serta rezeki itu datangnya daripada Allah. Kalau harapan kita termusnah, nak buat macamana kan, bukan rezeki. Mungkin ada sebab dan musabab sesuatu tu berlaku. 

Yang kita boleh buat hanyalah berdoa banyak-banyak dan berusaha sesungguh-sungguh. Paling kurang pun aku takkan rasa ralat kalau tak ada rezeki pun. Sebab aku dah cuba yang terbaik, dan mungkin bukan rezeki aku kali ni. Ayat klise memujuk diri, but aku rasa klise itu sentiasa ada half of the truth. 

Sejak akhir-akhir ni aku asyik bercakap pasal benda-benda bermotivasi kan. Semuanya adalah dengan intention untuk memujuk diri dan juga bersedia untuk bad news. C'mon lah aleen, still got a long way to go. Lepas belajar for 15 tahun lebih kurang, takkan lah nak give up halfway? And I am not even halfway, masih berada di petak permulaan so to speak.

Maka dengan ini aku pun akhiri post kali ni dengan sepatah ayat, "Nak pergi mandi sambil letak phone kat tepi dinding bilik air." Kehkeh =p

69.Things I love

Finding someone who gives you butterflies each time he looks at you.